Monday, September 30, 2013

Good-bye, "Breaking Bad"!



Image credit: sharocity. com
We have reached the end of the "BB" spree!
Heisenberg is dead. Jesse's finally free. 
Will he look for Brock and adopt the kid
To repair the damage he - not on purpose - did?
Hank has been avenged, and so has been Drew:
Walter murdered Jack and his entire crew. 
Eliot and Gretchen will go on in fear.
They, like all of us, hold their lives too dear. 
They'll donate the money; Flynn will never bother
To suspect that it was given by his father.
Aunt Marie's a widow. Skyler's got her life 
Back from being a drug dealer's wife. 
Lydia is poisoned; she is not a liver.
That cold-blooded woman! God, would you forgive her
For the hits she put on so many men
(Well, for all we know, there were more than ten)?
Holly will grow up cheerful and unhurt. 
Everyone has got what he or she deserved. 
Only for the fans there's no happy end: 
What will we be doing without "Breaking Bad"?

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Comedy Central in Central Park

Gabriel Iglesias, the host of "Comedy Central Stars Under the Stars"

Having attended "Comedy Central Stars Under the Stars," the stand-up show that took place last night in Central Park as a part of the annual NYC-wide Summer Stage festival, I once again saw that LOL is not just something one puts in the end of his or her text message. For the most part, the comedians did a great job entertaining the crowd and connecting with it, and the warm after-rain air served as a wonderful setting for a fun night out.

Excited about listening to the famous Comedy Central stand-up performers, no one minded standing in a mile-long entrance line. As a result, the place was packed, and lots of people who showed up late and could not get in stood behind the fences. Yes, many Summer Stage events are free, but one needs to come as early as possible to get good spots. Aside from the VIP area with white folding chairs, there was lots of room on the ground. Experienced Summer Stage visitors made sure to bring blankets or towels to sit on. Beer and wine were sold at the event to those over 21 with a valid ID. In other words, it was a mass picnic with live entertainment in the heart of New York City.

As the crowd was consuming cold beer and yummy-smelling food sold on site, the show began with an opening set by Dan Soder, who talked about New York and the ways of surviving in the city. As the crowd learned, the best way to avoid being mugged and beaten in a shady neighborhood was to fake a Russian accent because no one would dare to mess with a Russian. His witty jokes got the crowd into the laughing mood right away. Sadly, his performance ended soon, and he was followed by the host of the evening, Gabriel "Fluffy" Iglesias. 

Of all the comedians, Iglesias did the best job communicating with the crowd. He constantly picked on the AT&T crowd located to the right from the stage and addressed the first rows, whom he warned that were he to fall down from the stage, they would have a smashing 3D experience. A Mexican-American from Los Angeles, Iglesias told a lot of hilarious jokes about different kinds of Latinos. According to him, the word "Latino" appeared in order not to insult a Puerto Rican by calling him a Dominican, etc. He also demonstrated his ability to laugh at himself, his appearance and adventures, which the crowd definitely appreciated. 

When it was time for Iglesias to get off the stage, he announced the next comedian, the "Workaholics" star Adam DeVine who did not get as much applause as the previous performers. His jokes could be divided into two categories: stories about himself being recognized in the street for the first few times and the "bad ideas your beer whispers into your ear as you are drinking it" that sounded like extracts from anti-drinking commercials. But even with all that, he would undoubtedly be funnier if he did not say the word "stupid" after every other joke. 

In contrast to DeVine's "beer talk," the following comedian, John Mulaney, announced up front that he was a recovering alcoholic, and therefore, a non-drinker. He also told stories about his life, and his monologue was charged with positive energy. For instance, when he talked about an unsuccessful stand-up show he had in Tennessee, he admitted that one of the audience members called him off the stage so eloquently that it could have been a line from a poem, "The silence would be more pleasant than the sound of your voice." Mulaney ended his performance with the analysis of the saying "Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?" in which he discussed, in a funny and loving way, a few good reasons why a man would want to get married.

As the evening progressed, live entertainment became more diverse. The next comedian, Jeffrey Ross, not only talked, but also made fun of twelve volunteers from the audience who were courageous and fast enough to get on the stage. In addition, he sang, played the guitar and danced. His monologue relied heavily on sex, and he was pretty fresh with the female volunteers, and even with a teenage couple, who should not have been listening to him, let alone come up on stage (Iglesias, who said a few words before and after every comedian, asked the parents of the children not to press charges and assured the crowd that Comedy Central did not share any of Ross's opinions). Jokes aside, Ross's humor, overall, was good-natured and not insulting to anyone. The brightest note of his performance was the last song, "Have a Blessed F-ing Day," which gave the audience another charge of positive energy. 

Finally, the last comedian of the night was Amy Schumer, the star of Comedy Central's new series, "Inside Amy Schumer." She happened to be the only female performer, and her humor dealt mostly with women and topics that interest them: relationships, sex, appearance, self-confidence etc. She was quite funny, but the crowd did not receive it too well when she said that Blacks stole everything from Native Americans. She also appeared a little too self-centered, compared to her colleagues. 

Even though some jokes and comedians turned out to be more memorable than others, the audience remained positive and supportive throughout the evening. Laughs and applause were heard from all directions, and people eagerly whistled to express love for their favorite stars. There is really nothing to lose attending Summer Stage: if you like it, you'll have the time of your life, and if you don't, you paid nothing for it, so you can leave any time and do something else. My favorite part about living in New York is that something is always going on. All we have to do is to learn about it and find time to attend it. 

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

A Man in Women's Locker Room, or a Visit to Brooklyn Banya

Image Credit: photopin.com
Going to a bathhouse, one expects to have a wonderful relaxing day for his or her mind and body. With all its nice looks, Brooklyn Banya, however, brings extra stress into people's lives instead of reducing it. It all starts with the man continuously cleaning the women's locker room.

Just imagine: a woman comes into the locker room and sees a man cleaning. She thinks, ok, he will go away now that I'm here, right? You wish! The man doesn't even move, and he only leaves - reluctantly - when she kindly asks him to do so. Great start!

To give the man credit, the locker rooms are perfectly clean; he obviously maintains them well. They are also spacious, and have everything there should be: benches, three large shower cabins and a few hair dryers. The locker rooms and the interior of the bathhouse look like they have been recently renovated and well-maintained. 

The recreation area consists of a steam room, a wet sauna, a dry sauna, a jacuzzi and a pool. The saunas are quite small, which is ok, considering that the place is usually not busy on weekdays. The pool is just big enough to throw oneself from one side to another, although it's refreshing after a sauna or jacuzzi. Some bathhouses have pools with such cold water only the experienced ones can stay in for a long time. Brooklyn Banya does not; it is chilly after the heat, but not uncomfortable. 

The water both in the pool and in the jacuzzi is suspiciously cloudy, and one can even see a dried leave floating by in the pool. However, the saunas are kept clean and neat. The guests are politely offered massage, platska (oak leaves detoxing treatment), or body scrub, and once the jacuzzi stops bubbling, someone notices and turns it back on. Together with the smiley and upbeat receptionist, it must be said that the customer service is overall pretty good. 

At the same time, the guests are only allowed to use two towels per person, or rent a "better" towel, bigger and thicker one, for the whole day, as well as a robe. There are no towel baskets in the locker rooms, so it is not clear where one should leave them in the end of the day unless of course, the man in the women's locker room takes them away. And yes, as she is ready to take a shower and go home, he is still there, cleaning. The routine does not change: she insists that he leaves, he hesitates, saying that he won't bother her (hope not!). Quick shower - before he came back - and out the door. 

Not quite a relaxing experience one expects from a spa, and not anything special worth coming back for.

photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/ro_buk/6736138019/">ro_buk [I'm not there]</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/2.0/">cc</a>

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Winter in New York

Image credit: wall.alphacoders.com
So the real winter finally came to New York, like a late-arriving guest whom no one expected. You know, the real winter, when the wind acts like Kazanova trying by all means to get underneath your clothes. The time of the year when the longer the jacket, the longer distances you can walk. The only thing that's missing from this real winter is snow, but something's telling me it's yet to come.

Winter days like this remind me of January back in Kazan. The winters over there are not the coldest, but there are days when no matter how many clothes one layers, nothing seems to work. And the snow often doesn't melt for weeks. That was when I learned how to endure cold very well. In the light of current events, it seems natural that I should share a few pieces of advice on how to survive the rough weather:

1. Consume a lot of hot foods and liquids. I drink a lot of tea, day and night, and it keeps me warm. Coffee, hot chocolate and soup are other great ways to resist cold, to name a few.

2. Insulate windows and doors. If they don't close tightly, there's a great chance that some cold wind will get inside and cool down your apartment or house. Some stores sell plastic wrap for windows, which does not provide absolute protection, yet it keeps the chill out, and on a 20 degree day you'll feel the difference.

Of course, if you're the lucky one who opens the windows all winter long, you got nothing to worry about.

If, however, your dwelling happens to be a cold one, a good heater will warm it up pretty quickly, which brings your electricity bill way up beyond your budget. Since gas is cheaper than electricity, it might be a good idea to organize a cookaway. Or merely boil water for tea all you want, and stay warm.

3. Don't go outside without a good reason. Hard to abide, isn't it? There are so many things to do in New York! I personally love going ice-skating. Moving around the half-empty rink, I don't feel the cold at all. But seriously, if your house is warm, there's no better place to survive winter than inside it.

4. If you do go outside, put on a lot of layers. A T-shirt, a turtleneck, and a sweater or two will do. Layering prevents the wind from getting to your skin, and even if all layers are thin, together they are like a powerful army.

5. Wear longer jackets, those that cover up the split between your sweater and your pants/skirt. In general, the less naked body parts are sticking out, the warmer you will feel. Wait! I was referring to ears and hands, and what did you think?

6. Keep your limbs warm. Even if the rest of your body is warm, cold limbs will cause a lot of discomfort, so make sure you have warm winter shoes and cozy gloves. If your floors are cold, wear slippers and socks, as many as needed.

7. And finally, moisturize your skin. It's not so much the cold, but its effects that you have to worry about. Under the influence of cold, for instance, your skin dries out and breaks. I would not recommend you to put cream right before you go outside (you don't want the moisturizer to freeze inside your pores, do you?) I'd suggest to apply cream once you get home, or, for your hands, right before putting gloves on.

And if your hands do fell victim to cold weather, read How to Treat Dry Cracked Hands.

Thursday, January 3, 2013

A Murder Mist with a Twist

Image credit: imdb.com
If you have been longing to see a fascinating murder mystery unwrap in front of you, this is the film you cannot miss.

Coincidentally being a movie about mass shooting in Pittsburgh that took lives of five innocent people and scheduled to come to big screens on December, 15, right after the day of the Sandy Hook shooting, the release of Jack Reacher, directed by Christopher McQuarrie, who has written the screenplay for The Tourist (2010) and The Usual Suspects (1995), was postponed till December, 21. Due to its unusual twist, the fact that from the very first scene the audience knows who the real killer is, this murder investigation keeps us in suspense all throughout the movie.

All the evidence points to James Barr (Joseph Sikora: Safe, The Best Man for the Job), an ex-sniper, who continued exercising in his shooting even after his release from the army. Still, for the audience, it is clear up front that Barr is not the one who pulled the trigger, even though his estranged look screams "psychopath." However, Detective Emerson (David Oyelowo: The Help, The Rise of the Planet of the Apes) and the District Attorney, Alex Rodin (The Rum Diary, Hall Pass), are convinced by the mist of evidence that he is guilty, and they offer him an alternative: to sign a confession, or to face death penalty. Instead, Barr asks to get Jack Reacher (Tom Cruise: Mission Impossible - Ghost Protocol), who served along with Barr and knows his most terrible secrets.

Easier said than done: Jack Reacher is not the man one can find. After leaving the army, Tom Cruises's character literally vanished from everyone's sight. As he himself explains it, "I'm the man who wants to be left alone." He is a myth, a superhero and an embodiment of justice, who puts truth above the law, and being good at combat and attentive to details, and with a little bit of luck, he succeeds at yet another mission impossible.

There is also an additional plot twist: the defense attorney is Mr. Rodin's daughter, Helen (Rosamund Pike: Devil You Know, Surrogates), a pacifist, who is trying to save Barr from death penalty, even though she herself is not convinced of his innocence. No one except Jack Reacher, an ex-army, who agrees to assist Helen Rodin as a lead investigator, gives Barr the benefit of doubt. As Reacher and Ms. Rodin work together on Barr's case, we expect a love story to develop, but we never get one.

In fact, it seems that there is no story at all: there was a murder, and a clear suspect is in custody. Where will all this go? At the same time, we keep wondering how everything came together so perfectly against Barr and how it will get resolved in the end. One piece of the puzzle at a time, we learn the terrible story behind: the murders were not random, and Barr was made a scapegoat. At the same time, what Reacher tells Ms. Rodin about Barr is not in the inmate's favor; on the contrary, it makes him even less likable. And still, we want the true justice for the man, just like Reacher and Helen Rodin do.

The problem is, the more pieces of the puzzle come together to form the correct picture, the more people disappear.

In addition to the plot, which unwraps gradually and keeps the audience members holding on to their armchairs, the movie is done with a touch of humor, which despite the tragic events, makes the viewers smile here and there. Some of the assailants in the movie are clowns rather than real gangsters; they think they are professional murderers, but they are, in fact, unskilled cowards, who cannot take down their target. In a way, they are gangster parodies.

Similarly, Barr is just a cold-blooded assassin parody. Jack Reacher, who knows Barr well enough, doubts both his shooting skills he thinks little of, and the carelessness with which he supposedly committed the massacre. We feel pity for him in the end because he doesn't remember where he was during the crime and even believes he was the one who committed it. At the same time, this makes us ponder how safe it is to have trained killers walking around with guns and no recollection of their actions.

And finally, despite the fact that the whole movie is built around violence, for the most part, it is not explicit or bloody. As the mist around the murder clears out and we are afraid for more lives to be lost, we get a feeling of satisfaction that there is someone, a myth like Jack Reacher, who wants to do real justice where law is helpless.